bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
