Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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