Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
