Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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