youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
