Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize