I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were trust falling into bushes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
