actually, I'm a sock model
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
