no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
