Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
