you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
