nut hugger
I think my fart just growled at me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
