if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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