I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
