I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
