I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
