How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did I show you my penis last night?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
