you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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