I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize