I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
