he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I want is dick and wine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
