how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
