You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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