I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
