you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
