can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
