I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
