I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
