you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
