he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize