It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
