Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
