So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my being single is dangerous.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
