so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
