I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
