rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
