I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Green mimosas i think yes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
