why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
