am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
