life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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