If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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