Where did you get a picture of my penis
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
