Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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