Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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