if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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