my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
