I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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