so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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