so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
