This is not my ceiling
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
