Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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