These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
