I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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