and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
