drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
