Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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