Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
