I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
