Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
