We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
