Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
