THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
