I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
