yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
