My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This baby is an asshole
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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