dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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