I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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