My first STD was from a foam party
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
