He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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