guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
